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Bereavement
“How can I live
without thee, how forgo Thy sweet
converse and love so dearly joined, To live again
in these wild woods forlorn?” Bereavement is a universal experience. We all lose family members, partners or
friends at some stage in our lives.
Other events like divorce or a child leaving home can give rise to
very similar feelings. Even though this
sort of loss is so common, when it happens to you, you may feel very
alone. You may go through a whole
range of emotions: sadness, disbelief, anger, guilt, depression, periods of
calm, longing and an inability to trust. One day, you may
feel you are coming to terms with the loss.
The next, you may be right back to where you started. You may feel you are going round and round
in a “whirlpool of grief” and wonder how you will ever get out of it. Sometimes, after
bereavement you try to be brave and get on with your life. You push down the feelings and keep
yourself busy. But later, maybe after
many months, the feelings come back. How can
counselling help?
When you experience
such a confusing welter of emotions, it can be very helpful to talk to
someone who really wants to understand you and who will listen without
judging you. You may be frightened of
your own feelings and being with someone who says “it’s OK to feel that way”
can help you accept what is going on inside you. Often people who have lost someone really close speak of the need to re-arrange the landscape of their lives, to make sense of a world with a gaping hole in it. Doing this by yourself can be difficult: it helps to say things out loud and hear someone else respond. The counsellor will not try to minimise your loss, or take away the uniqueness of your own experience. He or she will try to create an environment where you can explore how you feel, acknowledge deep down that the loss has happened and adjust to a life without the person you have lost. Counselling can help you accept what has happened and make the most of your life from now on.
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